The many cracks in the Serbian Crystal Ball have finally been patched up, and with the help of AI — not Allen Iverson — we can clearly see how the road to the Super Bowl in New Orleans will unfold:

AFC wildcard

Texas beats Bills

CJ Stroud scares the Bills Mafia contingent making the trip to Houston with a 75-yard bomb to Stefon Diggs on the first play from scrimmage. Will Anderson Jr. chases down Josh Allen and Tyler Bass misses Wide Right again. Stroud proves he’s no one-hit wonder by throwing another TD pass to Nico Collins to earn his second home playoff win.

Jets beat Bengals

What an atmosphere! A 22-year wait for a home playoff game is over for Joe Benigno, who hoists Connie Scouts onto his shoulders for repeated “JETS JETS JETS JETS!” chants. Benigno astonishes fans in his section by accurately predicting nearly every play call, only later confiding to Jets reporter Caroline Hendershot that Robert Saleh sent him the game plan. Tyron Smith neutralizes Trey Hendrickson, Aaron Rodgers throws two TD passes to Garrett Wilson, and Haason Reddick, his legs fresh out of his training camp holdout, sacks Joe Burrow three times. Woody Johnson announces four-year extensions for Saleh and GM Joe Douglas.

Jaguars defeat Ravens

Lamar Jackson’s playoff demons resurface before a stunned crowd at M&T Bank Stadium, as Devin Lloyd follows Derrick Henry, Trevor Lawrence goes ballistic against rookie Brian Thomas Jr. and Evan Engram, and Travis Etienne does the rest.

NFC wildcard

49ers beat Cowboys

Jerry Jones is furious and can’t take it anymore. After Christian McCaffrey goes completely crazy and Nick Bosa and Leonard Floyd smother Dak Prescott, he fires Mike McCarthy. According to sources, McCarthy has contacted Bill Belichick to become his new coach.

Rams defeat Eagles

Saquon Barkley runs wild early but is without Jason Kelce, Jalen Hurts is stoned on an early Tush Push, and Matthew Stafford torches Vic Fangio’s secondary with TD passes to Puka Nacua and Cooper Kupp. And after Linc fans show uncharacteristic vitriol, Jeffrey Lurie fires Nick Sirianni after sources say he’s reached out to Belichick to be his next coach. Local media immediately dubs Belichick The Most Eligible Bachelor in Philadelphia.

Packers beat Falcons

Xavier McKinney steps in front of a Kirk Cousins ​​pass to Drake London for a 99-yard pick-six, and a flawless Jordan Love fires TD passes to Christian Watson and Romeo Doubs, while Josh Jacobs rushes for over 100 yards.

AFC Division Round

Chiefs defeat Jaguars

Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce throw touchdown passes behind their backs, then Taylor Swift high-fives Jason Kelce, bare-chested in their Arrowhead suits.

Jets beat Texans

Sauce Gardner stops Collins, and DJ Reed stops Diggs and intercepts Stroud twice, while Breece Hall scores 150 yards and two touchdowns, one on a checkdown from Rodgers.

NFC Division Round

Lions defeat Rams

A Ford Field playoff rematch from a year ago. Stafford gets off to a quick start with TD passes to Nacua and Kupp, but Jared Goff, who targets Amon-Ra St. Brown and Sam LaPorta early and often, has the fan base chanting his name again.

49ers beat Packers

Packers DC Jeff Hafley coached with Kyle Shanahan briefly, but dealing with Brock Purdy throwing to Deebo Samuel, Brandon Aiyuk and George Kittle and defending McCaffrey on the ground is taking it too far.

AFC Championship Match

Chiefs defeat Jets

Joe Namath, in an inspiring show of support in the minus-20 degree cold, stands on the visiting team’s sideline in one of his old fur coats. It was the Chiefs who ruined Namath’s chance at a Super Bowl repeat, and he hasn’t forgotten it. With Andy Reid and Mahomes within 60 minutes of a historic three-peat, Broadway convinces Joe Rodgers to ditch the ayahuasca for some Johnnie Walker Red and guarantee a win. Mahomes immediately responds with a TD to Kelce and a bomb to rookie burner Xavier Worthy, and the imposing presence of Chris Jones gives Joe Tippmann the yips. Rodgers announces that he will make a decision on whether to play again once he returns from Egypt sometime in June.

NFC Championship Game

Lions beat 49ers

Dan Campbell let the Niners off the hook with overly aggressive play in last year’s NFC Championship game, but not this time. Goff makes an early statement with an 80-yard TD bomb to Jameson Williams and a 50-yarder to St. Brown and a checkdown TD pass to Jahmyr Gibbs to counter Purdy’s TD passes to Samuel, Kittle and McCaffrey. But Campbell opts for FGs on fourth-and-2 and fourth-and-3 to take control. Aidan Hutchinson is neutralized by Trent Williams, but his late sack in the fourth quarter sees the Lions carry Campbell off the field. Motown celebrates its first Super Bowl.

Super Bowl 2025

Chiefs beat Lions

Someone will make history: a Chiefs three-peat, or the Lions’ first Super Bowl championship. Campbell counters Swift’s presence by putting Eminem, Diana Ross, Jack White and Big Sean in the owner’s suite. Goff is prepared for just about anything Steve Spagnuolo throws at him, but Lions DC Aaron Glenn nearly takes Kelce with 6-foot-5 LB Jack Campbell shadowing him with S Brian Branch on the sidelines. It’s the second straight Super Bowl overtime!

And Mahomes has the ball last. Mahomes-to-Kelce, touchdown. Swag surfing in the Taylor Swift suite. Three-peat.

Chiefs 33, Lions 30