Tori spelling find healing as a participant in Dancing with the stars.

During the season 33 premiere on Tuesday, September 17, Spelling, 51, told her partner: Pasha Pashkovthat she has passed up the opportunity to appear on the reality competition series every year for the past 32 seasons. When asked what was different this time around, Spelling referred to her and Dean McDermott‘s divorce.

“(When I) turned 50, my life exploded. I’m going through a very public divorce,” said the Beverly Hills, 90210 alum explained. “I’m really trying to find myself again.”

Spelling filed for divorce from McDermott, 57, in March after nearly 18 years of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences.

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Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott have been in the news since their scandalous beginnings. When the couple met in 2005, McDermott was married to Mary Jo Eustace, with whom he has a son, Jack, and Spelling was married to Charlie Shanian. “It was love at first sight. I fell so in love … Then I saw that he was a (…)

“Everything I thought I was has been destroyed,” she told cameras during the split.

When tasked with choosing her personal anthem to dance to during the premiere episode, Spelling chose “Trustfall” by Pinkand said, “If I fall, I will catch myself, because I will trust myself.”

The actress then gave it her all during her and Pashkov’s Foxtrot. Although the judges had some feedback — Derek Hough called the performance “a bit stiff” while Bruno Tonioli told Spelling she “still has a lot of work to do” — Spelling was all smiles when she spoke to the co-host Julianne Hough after the dance.

“I found her! It only took me 51 years,” Spelling said of reconnecting with herself, triumphantly raising her fist in the air. She then jumped up and down excitedly, noting that being on the show is “really out of (her) comfort zone.”

Spelling shares five children with McDermott: Liam, 17, Stella, 16, Hattie, 12, Finn, 12, and Beau, 7. During an April episode of her podcast “misSPELLING,” Spelling spoke candidly about a fear that kept her from filing for divorce sooner.

“One of my biggest fears, and maybe this is what’s kept me going longer, is that I feel like in our world, it’s hard to be with a man and have him not feel castrated,” she said. “I feel guilty. Like, how can I ever be with a man and have him not feel less than me just because of my status?”

Spelling isn’t the only one trying to get over heartbreak in this season of the series. Dancing with the stars. Jenn Tranwho just revealed her and her ex-fiancé Devin Strader‘s split during The Bachelorette: After the Final Rose earlier this month, also participates.

“I literally felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest,” Tran, 26, said during the DWTS premiere of her and Strader’s breakup. “Now I’m here with a little bit of revenge.”

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While the Bachelor Nation star added that she “just wants to be able to be independent,” judge Derek Hough couldn’t resist pointing out that Tran and her partner, Sasha Vermeermake a great pair.

“Forget it The Bachelorett“Because you found your perfect match here with Sasha,” Hough, 39, said after the duo’s Cha Cha set to “Flowers” Miley Cyrus“You are all, really, adorable.”

Dancing with the stars will air simultaneously on ABC and Disney+ on Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET. You can stream the episodes the following day on Disney+.