Photo: Patrick Harbron/Disney

I already miss Long Island, but with another break in the case and their sights set on the Westies, our gang hits the LIE on their way back to town. That is until their car breaks down, giving them some time to review what they’ve learned. “While we wait, we should probably do a summary,” Mabel says, not realizing that’s my job. After discovering that the Westies were holding the late Dudenoff’s checks for safekeeping, their current hypothesis is this: Dudenoff had these rent-controlled units and moved the Westies in; they killed him (despite needing him alive to keep their apartments), and then killed Sazz when she realized it. Do you see the problem? They have no motive; in fact, they just have a reason why they do it wouldn’t commit the murder. An anti-motif, if you will. And yet they keep barking at this tree.

Their actor counterparts aren’t ready to hand over control of this investigation, so they all decide to meet up and figure out what their next move will be – but they can’t deliberate in the Arconia… because of the murders . So they head to the next best thing: the replica of the Arconia where they’re shooting the movie. But how are they going to get the Westies to talk? Eugene’s proposal is to invite them to “Tony Danza’s 35th Annual It’s Time to Wear White Pants Extravadanza,” the Planza I’m keeping my fingers crossed because that’s an event I want to see on my screen. However, Eva thinks they should surprise them with a ‘ding-dong’. Not the hostess’s treat, but a phrase used to describe when a sexy surprise arrives at the door on soapy television – like Edie Britt saying, “Hello, I’m the whore who lives down the street.” But instead they land on the simpler plan: inviting the Westies over for a star-studded game of Oh Hell.

As this plan comes to fruition and Charles comes closer to confronting Sazz’s killer, we see his emotions begin to bubble up. Normally he’s able to quell what we think are serious anger issues by channeling that energy into making things right, but this case tests his self-control – and Eugene is fascinated by it. Eugene thinks it will help add dimension to his character, eager to see him erupt and spends the episode making a mess in the hope that it will cause an eruption that he can study. The show with this trio of actors could have simply been used as a fun, recurring punchline throughout the season, but instead it utilizes that dynamic in a very interesting way. We get to explore these characters from a completely new perspective as Eugene, Eva and Zach try to study and understand their psyches – and we also see how our trio is confronted with their own quirks through these characterizations.

When it’s finally time for game night, the Westies arrive all cheerful, and how can you not be with ham in tow? But keep in mind that, as we saw at the end of last week’s episode, the Westies know the trio is on to them. And the trio realizes this once the Westies lock the door, wield a machete and collect all their phones – a telltale sign that a game night is going wrong. But normally the machete only comes out Monopoly is heated. The Westies finally demand their say, but a confession to murder isn’t what we get.

Instead, the episode is largely a Westie origin story, with each of them describing how they first met Milton Dudenoff. The sauce family served Dudenoff at their restaurant, while Rudy and Vince were both his film students. Rudy’s story involves him performing the monologue Some good menbut if the show had been braver, it would have shown everything. And if it was really brave, the monologue would have been by Marisa Tomei My cousin Vinny …but unfortunately. These origin stories are a bit of a digression, but it feels important to see how this motley crew of Westies, the Dudenettes, if you will, came together. It also shows that their relationships with each other and Dudenoff go beyond just real estate; instead, the real estate deal was just a byproduct of their friendship. He gave them those apartments, a life-changing deal, because he cared about them, and the feeling was mutual.

Their story is that Dudenoff broke the law to help them achieve their dreams (of living in a very nice apartment on the Upper West Side). He eventually went to Portugal to fulfill his own dream, and they haven’t heard from him since. Not a very productive interrogation… until there’s a ding-dong at the door.

That’s right: Mabel followed Eva Longoria’s advice and took a page from the Desperate housewives playbook to bring in a ringtone. Helga – the pig owner who was unceremoniously left out of the Westie group photo and whose voice we heard on the ham radio frantically sending out warnings to the trio. We were told she was Rudy’s crazy ex, but that turned out to be another lie. Instead, she was Dudenoff’s locksmith, who bonded with him over their mutual love of Oh Hell and Perfect strangers. He also reminded her of her late father, and she soon became a member of the gang as well.

So imagine how painful it was for her when he suddenly disappeared, leaving behind only a note, which she received just as the building was experiencing one of the infamous incinerator-induced power surges. The other Westies started acting strangely after that disappearance, especially when the podcast came out, and soon Helga began to suspect that they might have something to do with Dudenoff’s absence. Nevertheless, the Westies claim that Dudenoff is alive and well in Portugal.

Luckily, Mabel has a shoulder replacement to dispute that claim – finally bringing the truth to light. The other Westies also received a note from Dudenoff that evening, summoning them to his “funeral” in the basement, where he told them he had only a few months left to live. Not wanting the community he created through illegal apartments to die with him, he has come up with a plan. He took pills to commit suicide and asked the Westies to cover up his death by putting his body in the incinerator – that way they could keep their apartments as long as they kept him ‘alive’. Couldn’t he have just left the apartments to them in his will? I’m not a real estate expert, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume this is the easiest way to achieve that goal. I have to wonder though.

He also instructs them not to tell Helga, who was already grieving for losing one father figure. But in the event that she catches or blames the Westies, he records a message for her explaining the plot and clearing their names – which they eventually show her. I understand the intent to protect her, but the cover-up is always worse than the crime, and the fact that Helga thinks all her dear friends killed her father figure is far more damaging than just having to grieve normally. Let this be a cautionary tale: never exclude your friends from your crimes; the friendship may never recover.

The truth is another crime in itself, but it clears the names of the Westies when it comes to murder. And since murder, not real estate fraud, is the subject of the trio’s podcast, they’re off the hook. Although Eva Longoria managed to secretly record this powwow with her high-tech facial laser, as Eva Longoria is wont to do, Mabel decides that none of this will be used for the podcast, and they promise to keep it a secret from the Westies.

The Westies turned out to be a fun reflection of Charles, Mabel and Oliver – another unlikely group who became a found family within the Arconia. While our trio came together through the podcast, this group came together through Milton Dudenoff and their shared love of a card game. Having experienced that firsthand with Charles and Oliver and knowing its value, Mabel doesn’t want to disrupt that special bond – even if it means burying a phenomenal episode of the podcast.

So they are back to square one. We have no reason to believe the killer is no longer watching them, but for some reason that doesn’t seem to be as concerning as it was last week. But I guess, with no trace in sight, what should they do about it? Definitely not going back to Long Island. If only they’d get one of those soapy, revealing ding-dongs when they hit a wall like that, Mabel says. And just as she does, someone arrives at the door, right on cue.

Helga is back, with more information she couldn’t bring out before – about Sazz, who she’d been in contact with via ham radio. Helga reveals that Sazz would talk about her protégé, a stuntman in a movie called Project Ronkonkomawho had ‘messed up quite a bit’ and was harassing her. Sazz also called him dangerous and said he would be the death of her. Helga, you idiot, this was important information to have much sooner than now! Shouldn’t tall women look out for each other? They rush to IMDb to see who this mysterious new suspect is, and sure enough, it’s none other than Glen Stubbins, aka Irishman Paul Rudd. Who would have thought that?

But Glen is currently in the hospital after being shot during the film’s photo shoot, and it’s safe to assume he didn’t shoot himself. So what’s going on? Even if Glen is responsible for Sazz’s murder, now we have someone trying to kill Glen? Murderers killing murderers? This is anarchy.