Tonight on the season finale of The Bachelorette, Jenn Tran made franchise history — and not just for being the first-ever Asian lead. But her “happily ever after” was woefully short-lived.

Let’s recap!

As always, this 180-minute extravaganza kicks off in the Tealight Candle Thunderdome, where host Jesse Palmer informs us that “something that has simply never happened on this show” will happen tonight. For once, that’s not a gross exaggeration. It’s a miracle! Let’s get this (three-hour) show on the road and head to Hawaii, where Jenn’s about to reunite with her family.

Please welcome Jenn’s mom Trinh, her aunt, Lylan, her brother, James, and her best friend, Nicole. Trinh is a little nervous, because Jenn has never brought a man home before. “My daughter, she’s everything to me,” she says. “I want Jenn to find an honest man and a man who loves her for the rest of her life.” Don’t we all, mama… but tbh, I’m not holding my breath.

There are tears all around when the Bachelorette arrives. When Jenn informs the group that she’s in love with both Marcus and Devin, all mom wants to know is if the guys said it back. Uh, no.

Hope springs eternal, rose lovers. After all, there are still 48 whole hours left. ANYTHING could happen! Whatever. Devin, get your butt in here!

“I do have insecurities about meeting Jenn’s family,” he says. “It’s definitely the fear that they may not see that I’m good enough.” Bro, if you’re so worried about making a good impression on Jenn’s traditional Vietnamese mother, maybe button up your damn shirt!

Devin and his copious exposed chest hair sit down with Trinh and Lylan first. Mom wants to know if he’s ever dated an Asian woman before. “I love it! But for me it’s not so much the ethnicity. I’m Hispanic, my family’s Hispanic, and my mom is white.” Devin tells Trinh and Lylan that Jenn makes him “feel seen” — Lord, how I yearn for the day that we can put that meaningless millennial phrase to bed — and makes him feel that he’s “100 percent whole.”

Lylan says she thinks Devin is a “nice guy,” and she appreciates that like Jenn, he understands what it means to grow up without a father figure. That said, neither Lylan nor Trinh feel comfortable giving Devin — or anyone Jenn’s only known for a couple months — their blessing to propose. I mean, duh.

Jenn — who has talked openly about her mom’s disapproval of this TV-romance “process” — is understandably a little bit on the defensive when she and her mom sit down to chat. She says Devin wants her to be happy and allows her to talk openly about her feelings. “He wants you to teach our kids Vietnamese!” she adds. Alas, when Jenn asks Trinh if she likes Devin, mom pauses a little too long before giving this tepid response: “I think you need more time.”

The Bachelorette gets a warmer reception from her brother. “You guys are a great match,” he says. “Whatever decision that you choose, I’m going to support you.” That said, he also won’t give Devin his blessing to propose. “Uh, I’m definitely not going to give the blessing now,” he says. “It’s not because I’m not sure about you. It’s because I haven’t talked to the second guy yet. But I do respect that you asked. I love that, actually.”

Devin does NOT love it. “To hear her family be so wary about the whole thing, I am wrestling with my own sanity in this moment,” he says. At least Jenn still loves you, buddy. Now, get in the SUV so Jenn’s family can meet “the second guy.”

But first, a quick message for Bachelorette producers: No matter how many times you cut back to the Thunderdome so former contestants sitting in the audience can hint at the “rumors” they’ve heard about the finale, we’re not buying it. She’s not going to pull a Womack, so stop trying to make us think she does.

Back to the recap!

Everyone — including Jenn — is concerned that Marcus hasn’t said “I love you” yet, especially because she has “a history with emotionally unavailable men,” as James puts it. The Bachelorette says if Marcus finally drops the L-bomb today, “it’s going to change everything.” (Have fun watching that back, Devin!) 

First off, though, Marcus needs to fill the family in on his legitimately tragic backstory — being abandoned with his siblings as children, nearly dying in combat, etc. “I realized how far I’m willing to go and how hard I’m willing to fight for love,” he says. “I want to see this all the way through with Jenn.” I’m no body-language expert, but something tells me James is not quite convinced.

“I can tell he cares a lot about Jenn,” says James. “But at the same time, as the protective brother, I was looking for more of him opening up about his relationship with Jenn.” To that end, James pulls Marcus aside for their one-on-one chat. They discuss the difficulties Marcus has gone through in his life, and he says that those experiences can “give you a heart of stone,” but he’s trying to overcome it.

James gets it, but he shares his concerns about Jenn’s history with “emotionally unavailable guys” — and he doesn’t want that to be a problem now. Marcus says he’s spent the last few years “growing and really defining what kind of partner that I want to be.” He adds that Jenn has helped him realize that he can, in fact, find true love. Still, he does not come out and say that he is, in fact, ready to be engaged. James does NOT love it.

“Marcus played ring-around-the-rosy a lot with my questions,” he complains. “And that’s concerning, especially given that he’s not there yet.” Indeed, when Aunt Lylan asks Marcus point-blank if he’s in love with Jenn, he makes this face in response:

Oh boy. Once again, Marcus says he believes that he can “get there,” even though he’s not in love right now. “I’ve been missing this feeling of, like, certainty,” he continues, as tears start welling up in his eyes. “I want to get there for her.”

Dude, if you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it! That is FINE. Stop letting this contrived romance factory guilt you into creating emotions you don’t actually have! That’s not good for anyone — least of all Jenn. None of this escapes Trinh. “Marcus looks like he’s not ready yet,” she says.

James shares his concerns with his sister, saying Marcus “fits the mold” of the type of emotionally unavailable guys she’s dated in the past. The Bachelorette insists on holding out hope that things will change, so James puts this important question to her: “How long are you willing to wait?” Jenn does not have an answer for him, but she’s grateful for his guidance. “Your opinion matters to me, more so than anybody else’s,” says Jenn. “You know me better than anybody else.” James is so moved, he has to step away and get his tears under control. Awww, give your sister a hug, you big softie!

Once the family visit is over, Jenn realizes she must face the hard conversation with Marcus that she’s been avoiding this whole time. “How do you see this ending for us?” she asks him. Marcus says they’ve made “progress,” but he’s still “struggling” with a proposal. “I’m trying because I believe that it’s possible,” he offers at last.

Yeah, that’s not gonna be good enough, buddy. Honestly, why don’t you just tap out now? At least think about it while Jenn goes on her Last Chance Date™ with Devin.

First, producers once again cut back to the Thunderdome, where Palmer introduces Jenn’s brother, James, who is in the audience. “How are you feeling about everything at this point?” he asks.

Huh. Maybe this whole “something catastrophic happens” narrative that Palmer has been pushing all night wasn’t a red herring. I still don’t believe she pulls a Womack, but if James — a man who is absolutely not going to say something just because producers asked him to — is not happy with whatever happened, then presumably, Jenn isn’t either. I’m starting to get a little worried.

Now, let’s rejoin Jenn and Devin’s Last Chance Date™, already in progress.

Kahu and her colleague greet Devin and Jenn and perform a Hawaiian ceremony. The ritual is about “letting go of the past and embracing your future,” as Jenn explains, and she hopes it will help Devin chill the f— out. (I’m paraphrasing.) As part of the ceremony, Kahu asks Jenn and Devin to leave the sacred circle, and each find a lava rock that represents their most significant fear about the future. Jenn’s is a fear of abandonment, and it is big — literally and figuratively.

In case you were wondering, Devin’s fear is not allowing himself to accept a good thing for what it is. Kahu listens, and then encourages them to release the fear symbolically by hurling the stone into the ocean. Honestly, this ceremony sounds really liberating. I don’t think there are any lava rocks in my neighborhood, but maybe I’ll go hurl some driveway gravel in the duck pond at the park near my house.

That night, Jenn heads over to Devin’s hotel room for their final chat before Proposal Day. “Tonight, I want her to feel the weight of my soul,” says Devin. “I want to make sure that she knows I’m here to fight for her every day.” The weight of your soul, dude? Never took you for a “21 grams experiment” stan. Anyhow, go ahead and give Jenn your official Token of Affection™.

It’s a pounamu stone, which the Māori shaman gave to Devin during their date in New Zealand. “The shaman told me not to give it out until I knew who I wanted to give it to for the rest of my life,” Devin explains. “I can’t be more proud to say that I want to give it to you.” Of course, the Bachelorette LOVES it. “I can’t believe you’ve been holding onto this since then,” she marvels. Girl, it’s been like a month. Raise your standards!

The next day, Jenn wakes up feeling “frustrated and confused.” She’s supposed to have her Last Chance Date™ with Marcus, but after spending the day with Devin, she’s reminded of how little validation she’s received from him. “I’ve given Marcus every opportunity to tell me that he loves me,” she says. “At this point, I can’t help but be in my head.”

That’s exactly where you’ll have to stay for a little longer, ma’am, because at this moment, Marcus is sitting down with Jesse Palmer for an emergency therapy session.

“I’ve been struggling with this doubt of whether or not Jenn and I are meant for each other,” says Marcus, his voice tightening with emotion. “I just want Jenn to be happy. I want what’s best for her.” Out of nowhere, Marcus says “part of me really does love Jenn” — uh, since when, dude??? — but he’s just not at a point where he can love her “fully” and “with certainty.”

Jesse does his best to counsel Marcus. “I’m not telling you how you should feel,” he says. “But… if in fact you do love this woman, you’ve got to tell her.” Oh, okay — problem solved! The man clearly does not love Jenn (which is fine!), so he should just go find her, wish her the best on her “journey,” and send himself home.

Or — and this might be a lot more fun — Jenn should say “F— the date,” track Marcus down in his room, and demand some damn answers!

That’s right, pal. Jenn’s here, and the cameras are too. (The fact that it took Marcus so long to answer the door makes me think he really was surprised by her visit.)

The Bachelorette gets right to the point. “There’s an engagement tomorrow,” she says. “We’re running out of time.” At this point in her “journey,” Jenn needs some concrete data about how Marcus really feels. “I don’t know if you see me in your future,” she frets.

As we’ve learned, Marcus does not perform well when put on the spot. He mumbles something about how he regrets not “diving deeper” about their future during the overnight date and reiterates how “scary” the decision is for him. “I’m struggling, for sure,” he adds.

“What are you trying to tell me?” Jenn replies. Girl, what do you THINK he’s trying to tell you? The man has done everything but semaphore to communicate that he cannot, will not, and should not propose to you tomorrow.

Still, she keeps pressing him. Yes, he wants to be a husband and a father — but does he want that with her? “I can picture it with you,” says Marcus. “I don’t understand why it’s so scary for me to move forward.” Because she’s not the person you’re meant to be with, pal! When will either one of you accept this?

Somehow, despite alllll the signs, Jenn is devastated. “I’ve been investing so much into us, Marcus,” she says through tears. “Where am I supposed to go from here?” I can answer that, ma’am! Go back home to New Jersey, clear your head, and if you’re still thinking about either of these men after three months, go on a date without cameras.

Just when I think this painful conversation is about to come to a close, Marcus says this: “At the end of the day, I know I do love you.” Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? Rose lovers, Jenn cannot believe her ears either.

“I want to give it a try,” Marcus continues. “I don’t want to give up on us.” I’m sorry, was there a producer in his ear screaming, “Say ‘I love you’ NOW!!!!” or is Marcus just having some serious mood swings right now?

Dear Lord, please don’t let Jenn trust this sudden revelation. The Bachelorette takes a minute to collect herself, and when she comes back into the room, Marcus explains that he was “afraid” to tell her that he loves her because he’s not sure he can live up to her expectations. Thankfully, after listening to Marcus say the words she’s been desperate to hear, Jenn realizes that the “right” words don’t mean anything when they come from the wrong person. Cut to:

“Thank you for being honest with me,” she says. “I think your uncertainty in this allowed me to give myself answers and give myself the love back to me that I needed.” HELL YEAH! You didn’t need Marcus to validate you, Jenn — you needed to validate yourself. (Cue “The More You Know” jingle.)

Naturally, we cut right from Marcus sobbing his eyes out as Jenn walks away to him sitting somberly on the couch in the Tealight Candle Thunderdome.

“It’s tough to watch back,” he tells Jesse. “That was obviously a hard day for both of us.”

The host asks him if he had regrets, and Marcus says no. “When I got back home, I had no idea if I had made the right decision or not. It took some time to realize that we made the right choice.” That said, Marcus still cares about Jenn “deeply,” and he feels bad that he may have “let her down.” After going through the whole experience, though, he’s come to accept that sometimes life goes the way it needs to go — not the way you want it to go. “It’s tough to let someone go like that,” he admits. “That selfish part of me wanted to hold on to it, for better or for worse.”

You know what happens next, rose lovers:

“I hope you’re doing so well,” Jenn begins. “Our relationship meant so much to me… I was so happy to be able to go on this journey with you.” Marcus is equally gracious, saying it was “an honor and a privilege” to be part of her “journey,” and that he wouldn’t have changed a thing.

“I believe we both learned so much from each other,” the Bachelorette adds. Palmer, tired of all these pleasantries, asks Jenn when she knew that it was over with Marcus. She admits that sensed for a while, “deep down,” that something “was not right,” but she kept trying to brush it off. It wasn’t until Devin showed up unexpectedly at her hotel room — and she thought she was losing him — that Jenn realized who her heart wanted.

And no, Jenn insists that it wouldn’t have changed anything if Marcus had said “I love you” sooner. “At the end of the day, I think my heart was just in a different place,” Jenn explains. “But I am so grateful for our relationship… We both still have this, like, deep respect for each other.”

Welp, that was nice. Now the only question is, will Jenn realize that maybe the day after an emotional break-up with one guy she loves is not the best time to accept a proposal from another guy she loves? LOL, of course not, rose lovers! That’s not how this franchise works. The romance train rolls on, logic and reality be damned. Look — Devin’s already choosing a ring with Neil “Promotional Consideration Provided By” Lane!

Meanwhile, Jenn is having her final debrief with Jesse Palmer. “I have to choose myself,” she tells him. Wait — what? Is a Bachelorette finally going to choose herself over a man who she’ll (almost certainly) break up with three to six months in the future? Again, I say, LOL, of course not, rose lovers! This is what Jenn means by choosing herself: “I’m not going to let Devin propose to me today…”

“I just want to make a big gesture so that he can really know where my love is,” she adds. Oh, okay. That’s fun. Or is it? All of a sudden, Jesse Palmer breaks in with a serious, “we need to talk” face.

“I know what you’re thinking,” begins the host. “Why is Jesse interrupting this beautiful moment?” Because, he continues, something so shocking transpired “since that day in Hawaii, we decided it wouldn’t be appropriate for anyone to see (the proposal) until we hear from Jenn.” Oh, crap. He cuts to commercial, and we see a quick shot of Jenn standing nervously in the wings. WHAT IS GOING ON, ROSE LOVERS? WHY IS JENN CRYING?

“I don’t even know really how to get into this,” Palmer prompts, and after a pause, the Bachelorette begins to tell her story.

“We had left Hawaii engaged. It was the happiest day of my life,” says Jenn. “And then essentially, as soon as we had left Hawaii, things were just different. It kind of just felt like he was pulling away… He wasn’t calling as much; he wasn’t texting s much.”

She has to stop several times to stifle her sobs, but eventually Jenn reveals that last month, right before a scheduled “Happy Couple” visit, Devin called and broke up with her. “He basically said that he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t feel the same way,” she says through her tears. “He denied ever being in love… He was checked out. It wasn’t what he wanted anymore.”

It’s painful to watch. Of course, it’s virtually impossible for people to find true love in this situation, but it’s also not fun to see a person reeling from such blatant, cruel manipulation. “Nobody forced him to say the things that he did,” Jenn rightfully points out. “He was sitting here telling his mom that I was the one… He sat in front of my mom and said that I was the one!”

Disgusting. Okay, Devin, get your sorry ass out here and explain yourself. A smattering of boos greets him as he walks out on stage, and then Jenn lays into him immediately.

“I can try to understand somebody changing their mind about the way they feel,” she begins. “What I can’t understand is everything you did after you had broken our engagement. Ending the engagement on the phone call. The next day I wake up to you following girls on Instagram — not just any girl, but Maria.”

Oh, HELL NO. Maria, the woman who many people thought was going to be the Bachelorette? That is some top-shelf BS. “Not only is that so disrespectful to everything we had shared together, I just don’t understand it, why you would do something like that,” Jenn tells him.

Because he’s a garbage human, I guess? Devin doesn’t have much to say for himself. “I’m not here to tell you that you can’t feel the way. You feel,” he stammers. “I failed you… But everything I felt for you was real.”

“Was it?” Jenn shoots back, blasting him for “clubbing” in New York with Jeremy right after the breakup. The crowd lets out an angry, “Ooooh….” — and Jeremy looks like he wants to crawl under a rock.

Palmer cuts in and presses Devin for a little more of an explanation. “When we left the show, I had a lot of doubts,” says Devin. “And regretfully and sadly, I repressed those feelings. But I did come clean about that.”

Jenn’s all, Yeah, two months later, you jackass! “For two months, I was pouring everything into you, while you hid all these feelings of doubt!” she scolds him. Rose lovers, Devin’s response is absolutely infuriating: “I was regretfully late on letting you know, you are 100 percent right.”

REGRETFULLY LATE? Bro, that’s what you say when you hit traffic and miss the previews of the movie. It’s not what you say when you keep a major, life-altering secret from the person you claim to love. During this whole uncomfortable, awful conversation, Devin keeps laughing awkwardly, literally squirming, and visibly wincing every time the crowd cheers for Jenn.

“How can I say that I’m sorry more than I’ve tried to be?” he protests weakly. He’s getting his ass kicked and Devin knows it. When Palmer tosses to another break, we hear Devin mumble, “What is going on here?” in the background. You’re getting what you deserve, bro. That’s what.

The public lashing continues once the show comes back from commercial — and not once does Devin truly take accountability for his actions. Palmer urges him to say whatever it is that he needs to Jenn, and what comes out is a mishmash of self-justifying gibberish. “I watched this beautiful girl grow and flourish into this amazing woman on her own,” he rambles. “And I found myself falling short of those expectations in the real world, and I found myself not being able to live up to the things that you need, and you deserve… You don’t deserve to compromise your standards to be happy.”

Oh, cool — “it’s not you, it’s me.” That’s original!

Jesse cuts in at last, because there’s still one more piece of business to take care of. After hyping Jenn up with some much-needed validation — “you showed all of us what a strong and powerful woman is” — the host announces that it’s time to watch the proposal. No, I’m not kidding. “Are you ready?” Palmer asks Jenn.

Sadly, the answer is no. And yes, they do keep a picture-in-picture shot of Jenn sobbing as she watches what she thought was going to be the happiest day of her life unfold on the big screen.

Say it with me, rose lovers: The Devil works hard, but Bachelorette producers work harder!

Devin arrives at the Proposal Platform™ wearing a tan suit and a Ferragamo belt. Jenn loves him, but she’s still going to put him through the painful process of letting him give an emotional speech — “Jenn, I do love you with all of my heart, and it’s a feeling I don’t ever want to go away” — and then fake-dumping him.

Don’t worry, Devin. We fell for that one, too. Let her finish. “I want to wake up and choose you every day for the rest of my life,” says the Bachelorette. “Baby, I want to grow old with you!” Awww, that’s cute.

You know what’s NOT cute, though? This accursed clamshell ring box Team Bachelorette provided to Jenn for Devin’s engagement band.

Wow, do I hate this. It looks like something Ursula from The Little Mermaid uses to keep her Xanax in. It looks like something you’d find at a haunted garage sale. It looks like something the Days of Our Lives prop department would rustle up when they needed Marlena to find an “alien egg” in her garden.

Okay, I’ll stop. Here it is, with Devin’s ring inside.

With that, Jenn pops the question: “Devin Strader, will you please make me the happiest girl in the world and marry me?” He guffaws — “You turned the tables on me!” — and answers in the affirmative.

After Jenn puts the ring on his finger, Devin insists on getting his moment, too. “Whether you want me to propose or not,” he says, “I’m going to propose to you.” Yeah, I don’t really love that. Did Sam M. just take over Devin’s body? Anyhow, if you must, sir… Needless to say (and yet I’m saying it), Jenn says yes. And we all know how that went, rose lovers.

When we cut back to the Thunderdome, Jenn is fighting to hold back more tears. Still, she’s doing her best to stay strong. “I am very proud of that woman there who chose a man who at the time was giving her everything that she ever wanted,” she says. “What happened was, that man doesn’t exist anymore… At this point, I do know what I deserve. Somebody else will be that man for me, and I can find that person who will fulfill all the promises that he made me instead of leaving me with nothing.” The crowd gives her a “hell, yeah!” cheer.

Jesse asks Devin how he feels watching it back, but honestly, who gives a frog’s fat ass how that jabroni feels? He may claim “that man loved you,” but none of us are buying it. Get this guy off our screens please, Mr. Palmer.

In a truly unfortunate segue, we go from this excruciating breakup conversation to a sneak preview of the upcoming season of The Golden Bachelorette. Fingers crossed that Joan’s “journey” doesn’t go so disastrously off the rails. (Side note: You can get a much better preview of The Golden Bachelorette by reading my report from the set. Trust me — it’s a hoot!)

Wow — what a bummer of a night. I genuinely feel bad for Jenn, and I never feel bad for people who voluntarily sign up for humiliation on reality TV! I swear on all that’s holy, if producers give Devin a pass to Paradise, I’m going to fly to Mexico and steal all his SPF so he’s too sunburned to hit on any women. Before you go, rose lovers, a few questions: Do you think Jenn and Marcus might rekindle things? Are you surprised that Devin turned out to be such a major douche-nozzle? And will I see you back here on September 18 for the premiere of The Golden Bachelorette? Let me know your thoughts on Twitter @KristenGBaldwin or on Bluesky at @kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.