It’s been almost two years since a jury convicted rapper Tory Lanez of shooting Megan Thee Stallion after a party in Los Angeles in July 2020. Now Megan Thee Stallion, whose real name is Megan Pete, takes audiences on a tour in a new documentary through the tumultuous years leading up to Lanez’s criminal trial in December 2022.

In “Megan Thee Stallion: In Her Words,” the rapper provides an in-depth look at the grief she endured following her mother’s death from a brain tumor in 2019 and the mental health issues that stemmed from the shooting. She spoke candidly about the loss of her mother, the betrayal of her childhood friend Kelsey Harris — who supported Lanez after the shooting — and her fight for justice when Lanez, along with bloggers and gossip sites, discredited her on social media and in music videos. and more.

Critics ‘did my damn name so bad. And I think it’s because of who I am, what I talk about and what I look like,” says Megan (29) in the documentary, now on Prime Video. “The betrayal, the constant torture online, everything that happened after the shooting definitely made it a hundred times worse.”

The documentary marks the first time Megan has spoken at length about the shooting and her mental health since the criminal trial. The 112-minute film features interviews and real-time video footage of Megan through the years – from her 2021 graduation from Texas Southern University to her appearance in Lanez’s criminal trial. Addressing fans at a viewing in Los Angeles on Wednesday, she said she ultimately wanted to take control of her own story.

Here are the biggest revelations from “Megan Thee Stallion: In Her Words.”

Megan says she fears she will be targeted during a performance

In the years leading up to the trial, Megan faced an onslaught of online harassment from those supporting Lanez, whose real name is Daystar Peterson. The critics, she said, were influenced by a host of bloggers, podcasters and social media accounts who relentlessly cast doubt on Megan’s story about death.

Even earlier this week, Megan’s lawyers filed a lawsuit against commentator Milagro Gramz, accusing her of being a “mouthpiece” and a “paid surrogate” for Lanez during and after the high-profile criminal trial. In the documentary, Megan often speaks somberly or tearfully when describing the harassment. In one scene she speaks of fearing for her life.

“Guys online say, ‘You should have been shot in the head. He should have finished the job. He should have killed you… You’re always twerking, b—-, you deserved what you got,'” Megan recalled.

“I can’t separate trolling from real life,” she says. “Am I safe to perform in front of thousands of people? I don’t know who is in this crowd.”

She spent a month in a mental health facility

Megan described a downward spiral amid the media storm over the shooting, saying she experienced suicidal thoughts for the first time. “I would rather not experience this than have to live with this,” she says.

The mental hardship was only exacerbated by the 2022 home invasion. Two men broke into Megan’s Los Angeles home while she was in New York City preparing to host “Saturday Night Live.” One night after the burglary, Megan said, she had trouble breathing and called 911.

“I thought I was about to die before I went to therapy,” she said. “It seemed like three days. I couldn’t get out of bed and I’ve never felt like this in my life,” she said, adding that she “stayed under the covers and … cried every day.”

She ended up undergoing mental health treatment for a month. She said she worked with a therapist daily to cope with the shooting and experienced several forms of therapy during that month.

Megan explains why she denied being intimate with Lanez

In an April 2022 interview with Gayle King of CBS News, Megan shared that she was afraid to tell police about the shooting to protect her friends from police brutality, the online criticism, and claimed that she and Lanez were in a sexual relationship. She told King at the time that she and Lanez had not been intimate, but said in the documentary that she had sex with him “once, maybe twice, on a drunken night.”

A clip of the confession is circulating on the internet, with some social media users condemning Megan, while others state that their sexual relationship does not negate the fact that Megan was shot.

In the documentary, Megan expressed her frustration with the focus on her sexual relationships.

“They made me angry because I am this kind of person. I started second-guessing myself,” she said, referring to her overtly sexual lyrics and public image. She said that at times she even became absorbed in focusing on her sex life instead of the shooting. “I’m like, ‘Wait, this isn’t what this is about!'”

Nneka Onuorah, who directed the documentary, told NBC News that any criticism of the scene has been drowned out by the support for Megan since the film’s release.

“There will always be differing opinions, but all that matters in this film is that Meg feels like she has to tell the truth through her lens,” Onuorah said. “And that’s the most important thing about the movie, and that’s its success: she was resilient and she triumphed and she’s thriving now.”

Her way to witnesses in court

Megan said she was in a better place after the mental health retreat, but was still nervous about testifying against Lanez during the headline-grabbing trial.

“I have to show up for Megan Pete,” she recalled thinking on the day of her testimony, adding, “Today is not about trying to look strong. It’s okay to be sad. I have to stop avoiding it.”

A jury convicted Lanez, 32, who pleaded not guilty, in December of three felonies: assault with a semiautomatic firearm, carrying a loaded, unregistered firearm in a vehicle and discharging a firearm with gross negligence. He was later sentenced to 10 years in prison.

She cried and hugged her staff when she heard of the sentencing. For Megan, her testimony and conviction were bigger than herself.

“If it wasn’t me and I was standing on the outside looking in and something was happening to me, I wouldn’t want to come forward,” she said. “If this can happen to this famous lady and nothing is done about it, what does that say to someone who is just a civilian and doesn’t have the resources to fight?”

Years later, Megan has a string of successful albums and an arena tour to her name. But she said in the documentary that she still faces critics who condemn her for speaking out about the shooting.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741 or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.