Let’s face it: This presidential campaign isn’t going to win any awards for civility. Policy proposals aside, there have been curse, vulgarityand plain old meanness. And sometimes it can seem like the crudity of our politics has infected our personal interactions as well.

How did we get here? And what can we do about it, on the eve of these elections?

To start, consider something simple: the tone of your voice.

No, this is not a panacea for all our social and political problems. But this secret weapon for civility is biologically hardwired.

Do you want proof? Babies and toddlers respond in predictable ways to both the tone of a person’s voice and the expression on their face. Children learn to trust certain voices before they can understand the meaning of words. And chances are, an angry, loud voice will inspire fear and the exact opposite of trust.

These deep-seated responses follow us through life and can help or hinder our interactions with others.

If we want to have real conversations instead of dueling monologues, we have to be genuinely curious about what the other person has to say. And if the way we communicate – not just the words but the way we say them – breeds distrust, there is little hope for a meaningful exchange of ideas.

Let’s be clear: what’s said mean is still mean. And there are times when a warm and compassionate tone won’t do you much good: for example, arguing with people who ignore the facts.

But for all those other times, consider taking a lesson from kids. The next time you start a conversation with someone who has an opposing opinion, try to use a kind and gentle tone. It shows that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. You may not achieve a meeting of the minds, but look at the face: instead of a frown, you may just see a smile.

Story produced by Robert Marston. Editor: Joseph Frandino.

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