It all started with a friend request.

Kirat Assi thought she had hit the jackpot when Bobby, a handsome cardiologist, contacted her in 2009.

He wasn’t a complete stranger. The pair were both from the Sikh community in West London and had mutual friends.

So Kirat accepted, and her online chats developed into deeper conversations before blossoming into a full-blown love story.

The two became increasingly involved in each other’s lives, but they never met, even after years of correspondence.

Bobby would keep giving bizarre excuses. He had had a stroke. He had been shot. He had ended up in witness protection.

However, the tall tales were always supported by someone close to Bobby, or so Kirat thought.

In reality, she was the victim of a massively elaborate and traumatizing catfishing scheme.

After nine years, when excuses were scarce, Kirat finally came face to face with Bobby.

But she didn’t recognize the person in front of her.

The person she had messaged was her cousin Simran, who had been the mastermind behind everything.

Looking back now, Kirat wonders, “How could you be so stupid?”

Kirat’s shocking story was a hit for podcast maker Tortoise in 2021. That’s possible Listen to this on BBC Sounds. Now, three years later, Netflix recently released a documentary in which she tells her experiences.

She says telling her story has prompted others to ask the same question: “How could anyone fall for that?”

It also leads to abuse by some people online.

“For people who might still think I’m stupid. That’s fine, you can express your opinion,” she told BBC Asian Network News.

But Kirat says people shouldn’t make assumptions — and contradicting them was part of what prompted her to tell her story.

“I’m not stupid, I’m not stupid. I am the one chosen to speak.

“I am the one who put myself in the line of fire and I hope others will come forward,” she says.

That raises another question: why would someone who has been duped in this way put themselves out there?

Kirat, who comes from a Punjabi background, says it was important to speak out because she wanted to combat stigma in the South Asian community.

“We are so afraid to talk about these issues,” she says.

“Because of the way a community is perceived by the broader society, victims in our communities continue to suffer.”

Kirat says her father’s reaction to her story is a good example of what she means.

“He doesn’t want to know what happened,” she says.

‘Because it will be painful to face what happened and how horrific it was.

“I love my dad and I know my dad loves me,” she says, adding, “It’s a different set of values ​​he was raised with.”

Kirat says she hasn’t spoken directly to “the real Bobby” about what happened, attributing this to the community’s unwillingness to have difficult conversations.

She wonders if her experience would have been the same if she had come from a different background.

“I would make different decisions,” she says.

“Because we have responsibilities to our community. You have the pressure of family.”

Despite some negative reactions to Sweet Bobby retellings, Kirat says she prefers to answer questions in advance.

“If you see me, don’t be afraid to come up to me,” she says.

“And if you want to say something that might be controversial to me, that’s okay.

“Let’s talk about it,” she says.

When Kirat is asked if talking to podcast or documentary producers has given her a sense of closure, she is less sure.

Simran has turned down offers to be involved in the documentary, in which she is played by an actress.

Kirat successfully filed a civil suit against her cousin and received compensation and an apology at the end of the case.

A statement from Simran on the show reads: “This case concerns events that began when she was a schoolgirl. She considers it a private matter and strongly objects to what she describes as numerous unfounded and damaging allegations.”

Kirat says Simran has not faced any criminal charges and wants her to be held accountable.

“I’m not okay with that person being out there,” Kirat says.

There’s one more question she can’t get any closer to answering: why?

Kirat doesn’t think she’ll ever really find out what drove the campaign against her.

“I think I gave up a long time ago,” she says.

“You can never justify the extent to which that person has gone.

“I don’t understand why you didn’t stop…what gave you pleasure in hearing someone in pain.”

But the lack of answers doesn’t stop her from moving on with life, including dating again.

“I’m working very hard, harder than I should be right now to rebuild my life and career,” she says.

“I don’t carry the victim mentality. I don’t want to be that person.

“I’m going to keep working on goals and dreams.”

Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare can be viewed on Netflix.

Listen to Ankur Desai’s show on BBC Asian Network live from 3:00 PM to 6:00 PM Monday to Thursday – or listen back here.