Move over, helicopter parents and tiger moms: a new kind of parent has entered the chat, and they’re going viral on TikTok. The ‘Pink Tote Lid Parent’ entered the zeitgeist when a teenage girl posted a video on TikTok about an argument with her mother.

In the now-deleted teary-eyed video, she whispers so her parents can’t hear her and explains that she was taking a shower when her mother started banging on the door asking for help.

“She says, ‘I want you to put the pink things in my room,’” the teen said. When she asked what “the pink things” were, her mother answered angry.

“She said, ‘Put those damn pink lids in my damn bedroom.’ Those pink fucking tote bag lids, are you fucking stupid?’”

The teen tried to defend herself, saying that “the pink stuff” was a vague description, but not only did she get no sympathy from her mother, but her father came and yelled at her for “talking back.”

And so the Pink Tote Lid Parent was born. Many viewers – both children and parents – have since come forward to share their own ‘pink tote bag moments’. While some seem to well exceed the category of the pink tote bag and should be classified as abuse, many of them fall into the disturbing zone of adults having an excessively negative reaction to their children’s behavior.

In a video that responds to the trend, child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins encourages parents to watch the videos. “It’s such a learning point for parents because I think watching and seeing the impact…” she paused before calling these moments “classic displacement of anger.”

So how do you know if you’re a Pink Tote Lid Mom or Pink Tote Lid Dad? Take a look at where your anger comes from and where you direct it.

“Displaced aggression is a defense mechanism in which negative emotions are redirected from their original source to a less threatening target,” wrote Dr. Jenkins at the end of her video. “It is a defense mechanism that can occur when someone is unable or unwilling to respond aggressively to the original source.”

An example, she said, would be a parent who is angry with their boss but comes home and takes it out on their partner. Or it could be parents who are angry about who knows what (because come on… it’s not about the pink tote bag lids…) and take it out on their teenage daughter.

“I think sometimes parents don’t realize the impact their behavior has and most parents don’t intend to be hurtful. It’s really hard from all sides, but I do think parents should do a better job of not pushing their anger and frustration onto their children. ‘Dr. Jenkins captioned her video.

The Pink Tote Lid Parent phenomenon has exposed an unfortunate truth: behind closed doors, many parents misdirect their anger, leaving their children feeling bewildered and hurt – and it’s quite astonishing to see how many people have ‘pink tote bag moments’. of their own. Before we blow up our kids, as parents we need to ask ourselves what’s going on Real feeding our frustration. Is it the pink lids of the tote bag, or something much deeper? By recognizing the subtle signs of displaced aggression, we can create a more empathetic and understanding home environment, where children do not unfairly take on the weight of their parents’ unresolved emotions. Putting those pink tote bag lids in the right place is the first step toward more mindful and compassionate parenting.