Jennifer Love Hewitt talks about her close relationship with her mother for the first time in a new book Inherit magic – whose title she says describes how she carries on the legacy of her mother, Patricia Mae, of making everyone around her feel special.

“I was on a very successful television show, we walked into a restaurant and people didn’t care about me; that was my mother,” Hewitt said in conversation with 9-1-1 co-star Bryan Safi during a celebration for the upcoming book and Lifetime movie The holiday junkie at Zibby’s Bookstore in Los Angeles. “They wanted to know who the woman I was standing next to was because she was light, she was joy. She made friends with everyone, there was not a single stranger in the world for her.”

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Hewitt went on to share an example of how her mother made even the most unusual days at home feel magical. “If I was heartbroken or having a bad day, she would put up Christmas lights because she believed it improved the mood,” she said, laughing at the memory. “When I had severe cramps, there were lights.”

Patricia Mae died on June 12, 2012 at the age of 67 from complications due to cancer. The media, Hewitt says, heard about the news before she did.

“The part I didn’t put in the book is that the press actually knew my mother had died before I did,” said Hewitt, who was in Monaco at the time for the 52nd Monte Carlo TV Festival. “The flying time when I came back was so long. It seemed like a ten and a half hour flight, so by the time I arrived everyone knew, and it was so strange to me. But later I thought: but everyone used to know everything about my life. Even in breakups, people said, “He already cheated on you.” Really, people? Why didn’t you tell me?’

Twelve years later, Hewitt says she finally feels ready to share her memories of her mother and the ways she now makes life magical for her family as a mother, through her book, out December 10. “I had never said much about my mother after she passed away because I didn’t have the words,” she said The Hollywood Reporter. “I just didn’t know what to say, and this felt like the right time to talk about her and say, ‘This is what she left behind.'”

Some of that experience will also be translated onto the screen The Holiday junkiewhich Hewitt directed, executive produced and stars with her husband Brian Hallisay. Their three children also make a cameo in the film, which opens on December 14.

“I really wanted a movie for everyone,” Hewitt explained of the story about a woman facing her first Christmas without her mother, who may find love with a man who is unknowingly harboring his own grief. “I wanted a film for people who were happy and for people who felt sad. I wanted both parties to be seen during the holidays, because it is. As much as I am a holiday junkie, I find Christmas very difficult without my mother. I always have a moment, sometimes I have more than that. And I think that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re not feeling festive AF, you just have a hole in your heart, and it happens.

On the set of the film – which featured a special guest star voice from Kristin Chenoweth, who was close friends with Hewitt’s mother – a tribute was posted to honor the memories of those the cast and crew lost.

“We had a board where everyone brought pictures of their deceased loved ones, and every day we dedicated the film to all of them,” Hewitt said. “I really didn’t want it to feel like it was just my experience. I wanted it to belong to everyone. So it was a lot of fun because the crew and everyone at the end was like, “I felt like I really honored my dad,” or “I felt like I really honored my grandma,” or “I felt like they were here with us. ‘ It felt like it was a journey for everyone, and I think we all felt like we let that go when it was done, and it was beautiful in that way.

Hewitt shared one final memory of her mother, recalling how every time she left the house for a shoot, regardless of the time of day or night, her mother asked to hold hands.

‘I didn’t ask her until I was probably in my late 20s and I was like, ‘Why are we holding hands? What is this about?’ Because I didn’t really get it. And she said, ‘I want you to take my love and support with you to work throughout the day. I want you to feel it and know that I am with you.’ And I miss it,” Hewitt said. “That’s what I miss the most. I wish I had her hand.”

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