79 minutes Save! And not by a goalie – it’s Mazraoui, shaking off his concussed brush to lay his body on the line. He lay down and refused to die.

78 minutes United chance! And again it’s a Rashford cross, expertly delivered to Zirkzee, who finishes it at the far post. The crowd cheered Rashford for it, but they picked the wrong man at the wrong time.

77 minutes United’s goal difference this season is four times worse than last season – minus 4. Only three PL teams have a worse goal difference: Ipswich, Wolves and Everton.

74 minutes Fernandes, quiet by his standards, sends Amad down the right. Alisson clears. Two more Liverpool substitutions follow: Nunez for Jota and Bradley for Alexander-Arnold, who, as he was last week, looks bewildered, but then remembers the score and flashes a smile to the travelling supporters.

73 minutes The cameras find Sir Alex Ferguson. Didn’t his team once come from three points down and score five? But not against Liverpool.

72 minutes Amad gets a corner on the right. Alisson punches it away, United come back and Amad’s cross draws a scissor kick from… Martinez! Nice effort, but it goes wide.

71 minutes Maguire’s first contribution was a header at the far post from a free-kick. Then Rashford and Zirkzee come back into the box and show some fight, but there is no way through.

70 minutes Gary Neville points out that the home crowd has been booing a bit. Is Ten Hag finally losing the fans?

68 minutes United find something in a hopeless place – at least some spirit. Garnacho wins a free-kick on the right, but then makes way for Amad. And Maguire comes on for De Ligt. A penny for his thoughts.

67 minutes Another Liverpool attack, but still no fourth goal. And then United threaten to break, but Collyer’s pass to Rashford goes straight out.

66 minutes Diaz, who scored the first two goals with great composure, leaves. His place on the left flank goes to Cody Gakpo.

65 minutes Matthijs de Ligt could be in trouble here… he gets a yellow card after taking down Diaz. That wasn’t really Ajax.

62 minutes United chance! Their best chance yet as Rashford struggles to get a cross and Zirkzee whips in a crisp header, saved by the impeccable Alisson.

60 minutes United are able to move forward, but then fall back as Rashford can’t find anyone to pass to. They now look like what they are: an XI that has never been on the pitch before.

60 minutes Liverpool are storming forward again. They seem to have two extra players.

59 minutes Salah has now played 16 games against United and scored 15 goals.

58 minutes Salah comes close again! Over the bar. And again – wide of the far post. This is just like the match a few years ago that ended 7-0.

No, it’s not Casemiro, but it’s the same old song. Once again United lost the ball in midfield when Mac Allister pushed Mainoo off the ball. Salah’s finish was clinical,

GOAL! United 0-3 Liverpool (Salah 56)

54 minutes Zirkzee’s supplier was young Toby Collyer, who burst forward and nodded the ball to him. He seems to be playing like a number 8 with Mainoo (also on a yellow card) as the only pivot. Brave, minister, very brave.

53 minutes Wait a minute! Out of nowhere Zirkzee has a shot, but Alisson saves the ball excellently.

52 minutes United struggle to get out of their own half.

50 minutes Mazraoui comes back. Meanwhile, Dalot takes a throw-in on the left and finds Zirkzee, whose attempted lay-off to Rashford goes straight out of play.

48 minutes Harry Maguire and Jonny Evans will warm up. If Mazraoui has to come off, one of these two will probably join De Ligt in the middle, Dalot goes to right back and Martinez (who has a yellow card) goes to the left.

46 minutes Liverpool come forward again, but to no avail. There is another lull as Mazraoui goes down in worrying fashion. And United have no full-back on the bench…

Casemiro has left!

Seriously though… “There was an audible rendition of ‘The S*n was right, you’re murderers’ after Liverpool scored,” says Stephen Carr. “This disgusting behaviour needs to be called out.” I missed that, but if you’re right, then yes.

United actually played quite well for half an hour. But they only had two shots, and if I remember correctly, both came from their right-back, Noussair Mazraoui. Matthijs de Ligt was good on his full debut, but not good enough – and the first goal, like Brighton’s winner last weekend (also overseen by De Ligt), came when United somehow forgot to put someone on the far post.

“We should have a reasonable chance,” says Gary Naylor, “of hearing ‘Sacked in the Morning’ this afternoon, sung to the beautiful melody of the beautiful rebel anthem, Guantanamera. Given that enjoying the misfortunes of your rivals is a major aspect of fandom (do the Germans have a word for that?), is that the most innocent way to do it? Managers know they are never far from the door, most get rewards that a Stretford End season ticket holder would never earn in their entire life and some, like Vincent Kompany, rise through the ranks or get some pretty good gigs at other clubs or in the media. Sure, it’s mean, but you’re going to let us hear it, aren’t you?” Ha.

“I suspect Liverpool fans will give Slot the benefit of the doubt,” said Stephen Berkery. “A small change in tactics and Gravenberch suddenly seems like a superstar… A change of manager ensures that a selection player becomes an important player.”

For Roy Keane, United’s situation is of vital importance. “Same old problems,” he says smoothly. “Leopards and spots.”

Too much happened in that half to open the post, sorry. But here’s one from Mary Waltz. “Tim, greetings from California. Is Ten Hag under pressure yet? Of course he is.

“Schizophrenic management puts every United manager close to the chopping block on the day they sign their contract. All City players, whether they like it or not, know that Pep runs the show and they have to accept that. The same goes for Liverpool under Klopp. Every MU player with a contract knows that Ten Hag will eventually be thrown out of the castle window.”

REST! ​​United 0-2 Liverpool

45+4 minutes Casemiro sees salvation when he tries to play a through ball to Garnacho, but the ball is too far for him.

45+3 minutes Diaz, on the verge of scoring a perfect hat-trick, runs towards Mazraoui, who lets him out for a goal kick.

45+2 minutes A third booking for United as Mainoo takes down Gravenberch. Side on side.

45+1 minutes A while back a caption told us that Casemiro had given the ball away ten times in this match. And that was before the second goal.

45 minutes There are five more minutes added, which feels a bit like 2023.

GOAL! United 0-2 Liverpool (Diaz 42)

40 minutes Martinez beats someone up and goes into the book. “That’s just silly,” says Jamie Carragher.

39 minutes Half a chance for United! It’s that man Mazraoui again, this time hitting the ball better, but straight at Alisson.

38 minutes “The United players look a bit down,” Neville says. “Now go and score your second goal.”

37 minutes You can understand why United spent £42m on Manuel Ugarte.

The goal came after a surprise pass from Casemiro. Without any pressure.

GOAL! Man United 0-1 Liverpool (Diaz 35)

33 minutes On the corner Virgil van Dijk tried to get in André Onana’s way, Ben White style. He’s too good for that.

32 minutes The corner, in short, is a failure. United break out and Mazraoui, of all people, has a shot but he can’t get any power on it.

31 minutes Liverpool win a corner on the right. “They’ve had the upper hand,” says Gary Neville, “for the last seven or eight minutes.”

30 minutes As the half hour approaches, De Ligt wins his first big howler with a crucial tackle. And then another. He looks like a no-nonsense central defender.

28 minutes After a few more United giveaways, Casemiro does better with a through ball, a chip aimed at Rashford. Alisson comes out to head the ball away.

26 minutes There was just a yellow card, for Zirkzee I think. A more likely candidate would have been Casemiro, who struggles with the pace of the game.