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What is a pink tote bag mom and why is it a TikTok trend?

“I want you to put the pink things in my room.”

Photo by Anna Goed

Anna Good

Posted on November 19, 2024 2:48 PM CST

TW: This article contains descriptions and details of familial emotional abuse.

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Called the Pink Tote Mom trend on TikTok, people are sharing the emotionally abusive tactics their parents used against them when they were children. The name of the trend is a reference to the girl who accidentally started the trend after her mother yelled at her to move “the pink things.”

What does ‘Pink Tote Mom’ mean?

A Pink Tote Mom is a parent who is emotionally manipulative or abusive toward their child, usually over something that seems small to an outside observer, such as a pink tote bag. These parents will reportedly get into shouting matches with their children, whether they are minors or young adults. They seem to do this to make the child feel like they did something wrong because they didn’t respond as the parent expected.

According to Healthline, there are several ways in which emotional manipulation can be presented, the most common of which are invalidating feelings, gaslighting, emotional blackmail, guilt, withholding affection, playing the victim, moving the goalposts, and aggression or personal manipulation are. to attack. The website offers several suggestions on how to respond if it is safe to do so.

“Addressing problematic behavior with a manipulative family member sometimes improves the situation. If not, remember: you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change,” the article says.

Origins of the Pink Tote Lid TikTok trend

The trend comes from TikToker Jaycie (@user9356145314915) who has since deleted her video; it has been reshared and posted on several other accounts and social media sites. In the original video, Jaycie can be seen crying and whispering in a darkened room about an argument she just had with her parents that she felt didn’t make sense.

Pink tote mom TikTok trend.

@user9356145314915/TikTok

‘I’m in the shower. I get out, I’m drying my hair, and my mom comes and bangs on the damn bathroom door like this,” she says in the video, mimicking the loud knock. “So I’m like, ‘What?’ and she says, ‘Do you want to have a damn spa day? Go to sleep! I need help!’ So I hurry up, get dressed and go out.”

@pvgtix46336 Mom’spinktotelids.#fyp#foryou#tiktok#mom#pink#tote#lids ♬ original sound – pvgtix46336

She says she asked her mother what she wanted help with, to which her mother vaguely replied, “I want you to put the pink things in my room.”

Jaycie didn’t understand what her mother meant by “pink things” and told her as much, causing her mother to explode with anger and shout profanities at her, according to her. Her father joined in the discussion from her mother’s side.

The TikToker cried as she said in the video, “They’re both just going to get me.”

Jaycie has since changed her profile description to say, “MY MOM IS NOT ABUSIVE” after her video went viral.

The Pink Tote Mom trend

The video went viral and many others on TikTok shared their own pink tote bag moments from growing up with emotionally abusive parents.

Pink tote mom TikTok trend, a video of a woman getting ready in the bathroom, with a text overlay sharing her emotional abuse.

@therealmayhem__/TikTok

TikToker @brees.a.dinosaur wrote in their TikTok overlay: “My pink tote bag lid moment was when my dad came into my room at 2am one school night to tell me he bought me ice cream. And when I was no longer excited, even though I was barely awake, he yelled at me for being disrespectful and no longer grateful that he gave me ice cream. He didn’t leave my room until 4am”

@a.is.for.alex I’ve seen my dad for over 2 years 🎉 #fyp #fypシ #fypシ゚viral #pinktote #aisforalex #greenscreen ♬ original sound – ⭐️🍉Alex Star 🍉⭐️
Pink tote mom TikTok trend, a video of a person sitting with their head in their hands and staring off to the side, with a text overlay sharing her emotional abuse.

@christined91/TikTok

TikTok comments share their pink tote bag mother's emotional abuse moment.

@christined91/TikTok

Pink tote mom TikTok trend, a video of a young woman sitting on a couch with a text overlay sharing her emotional abuse.

@the_lickk/TikTok

TikTok comments share their pink tote bag mother's emotional abuse moment.

@the_lickk/TikTok

Pink tote mom TikTok trend, a video of a woman putting her hair up with a text overlay sharing her emotional abuse.

@the_lickk/TikTok

TikTok comments share their pink tote bag mother's emotional abuse moment.

@plaidchicken/TikTok

@duhv1nky

My entire childhood at home consists of moments like these with pink tote bag lids

♬ What was I made for? – Billie Eilish

If you are a teen dealing with depression or other mental health issues, see PBS.org for one list of resources and organizations that can help you. If you’re an adult, see Mental health resources.

If you are a survivor of domestic violence or would like more information about domestic violence and resources for victims, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline online or at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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