In case you didn’t pay for the biggest news in the world last night, Zach Bryan and Brianna Chickenfry broke up a few weeks ago, and it officially hit Defcon 1 when Dave Portnoy and Josh Richards (Bri’s BFF’s cohosts) posted a diss dropped trail right on Zach’s head at midnight.

If you’re somehow unfamiliar with Zach Bryan, he’s the man who produces heartbreak ballads by the truckload. This is a man whose music is a culmination of emotional missteps; In short, a walking break-up song. But it turns out that if you cross his ex, Brianna Chickenfry, you have more than sad songs to worry about. Enter Dave Portnoy and Josh Richards-

So here’s the backstory: Bryan dumped Brianna with the classic “It’s been a rough year” post on Instagram, and she claimed she was blind. It was bad.

Bryan has it is said had already “moved on” with someone else (again, it was a rough year), so Dave and Josh weren’t having it and came to their friend’s defense.

But not with a few subtweets or searches for the podcasts, no sir. They got into the booth and made what actually turned out to be some pretty deep digs about Bryan.

And so it goes on for five minutes.

They went scorched earth on Bryan – bringing up his drinking problems, drunken tweeting, cheating, his hairline and even his height (Dave claims he’s only 6 feet tall in the song). They even call out Bryan for everything from his arrest in 2023. I didn’t expect Dave to hold back, but it’s pretty brutal.

The name is a nod to Taylor’s ‘The Smallest Man In The World’ record, a diss aimed at Scooter Braun. The timing is no coincidence either. They dropped it at midnight, a nod to Taylor’s The department of tortured poets album on which the song appears. Swift fans know she’s the queen of breakup diss tracks, so this was like Portnoy channeling his inner Swift as he went for Bryan’s jugular. For anyone keeping score at home, Dave is here in Taylor’s corner making it crystal clear where he stands in the Chickenfry-Zach saga.

Bryan has not yet responded. The guy deleted his X account and so far there is no more radio silence.

But it didn’t stop him and/or his label, Warner Music Nashville, from panicking and filing a DMCA copyright claim with YouTube to have the video taken down. What they did.

Unfortunately, the censorship and suppression of freedom of expression did not stop there.

And since writing this blog, Spotify has now removed it too. (It still appears in search results, but is grayed out and the play button is disabled)

What on earth they are claiming is copyright infringement, I would damn well like to know.

As far as I know the beat was original. The texts are of course my own. So what Warner is accusing Barstool of infringing on the rights they own is beyond me.

But in standard Bryan fashion, Bri confirmed that they are now all blocked on his Instagram.

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This breakup has gone from a sad country song to a WWE storyline, and personally, I’m here for it. And that goes for everyone else too.

Look at the news wire.

It’s just another example of why Barstool runs the show and Dave somehow always finds a way to take advantage of everything.

(And why having Rone on the payroll is the biggest secret weapon in the game)

If you know anything about Dave, this is a textbook example of how not respond.

Zach Bryan now has no choice but to respond with his own track. I don’t write the rules, I’m just here to remind everyone. If he doesn’t, he risks having his career derailed via Kendrick at Drake. And in this case, Dave would be Kendrick.

I mean, when KFC says Dave “connected” you, in your own game, that’s tough.

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Balls in your court Zach.

ps – remarkable texts

“You’re a loser / You just made a new rival / Soon you’ll need a revival”

“You say you remember everything, but I don’t think so because you forgot your wedding ring”

“My fist plus your face, simple addition / The way you did her wrong, man is sickening”

“Looking for pink skies, but now you’re seeing stars/There’s something in the orange and it’s you behind these bars, bitch”

“Country singing boss baby, give that boy a snack / Throw another tantrum, it’s time for a nap”

“Think you on some shit, tryna diss Taylor Swift, wrote a hundred gram stories and apologized like a bitch”

“Consider this a warning to the next girl you date / We’re sure your whole band hates you”