My father passed away earlier this year and my mother moved into a nursing home shortly thereafter (risk of falling and increasing memory issues). I have a power of attorney, but my mother is still “there” – she drives, has her own checkbook, etc. I am now in charge of the finances and met with my father’s attorney after his passing. Along with the will, the attorney presented me with a plan on how to best protect the money my father had saved, with the expectation that my mother would increasingly need long term care over the next decade (no jinx). This involves giving away a portion of her money now, to reduce her total assets and move her closer to Medicaid eligibility (which is essentially zero money), over time.

My mother doesn’t like this plan and thinks we should spend the money when we have it and that Medicaid is only for the poor. I think the government should help and that it would be great to give the grandkids some money for college or a house. I don’t want to beat her over the head or get into a fight about this. I respect her position (and found this 2017 NYTimes column that covers both sides), but I do want to politely confront her about it.

Have any of you been in this situation? What language did you use?