Hello, good evening and welcome to week 4 of the NFL season.

Unfortunately, because the same three people pick the prime time schedule, we’re stuck with another boring and unpalatable NFC East battle. Tonight the (kitten) kickers from southern Oklahoma travel to the big city (because Dallas wouldn’t know anything about what the big city is) to take on the New York Giants. In New Jersey.

They were actually supposed to be playing in New York, but that would mean Cowboys fans are in New York and no one wants that, not New York, not Cowboys fans (who still marvel at how planes work), no one.

So let’s cut to the chase and tell you how you can watch tonight’s match, if you dare.

WHO: Dallas (citation needed) Cowboys (1-2) vs. New York Giants (1-2)

What: Thursday night football

Where: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ

When: Thursday, September 19, 7:20 PM CDT

Why: Because honestly, I’m surprised it took them this long to get to another NFC Least prime time game; Seriously, four weeks must be some kind of record for these people, right?

Channel: No

Streaming: Amazon Prime, NFL+

And if you want to make this game a little extra interesting, here are my picks for tonight’s game, from FanDuel.

Ugh, just some hate speech when it comes to my choices tonight. (Kitten) the Cowboys, but that 5.5 point spread tempts me to take the Giants, which is stupid. But I’m stupid and make bad decisions. The Cowboys are also trash, but the Giants are super trash, so I think Dallas wins this one handily (by their metric, not in a meaningful way) and it’s a prime time NFC East game. There will be no points. At least, not much.

Anyway, enjoy the game everyone. It gets weird and ugly.

Go Texans!